Even when marriages end congenitally with little to no stress, coparenting going forward can be the straw that broke the camel’s back. When it comes to the kids, emotions tend to run high and so when there is a decision to be made, it’s rare to get both parents to agree.
Unfortunately, sometimes in an effort to do what we think is best for the kids, what ends up happening is stress for everyone all around. There is one thing you should know right out of the gate and that would be, try to keep things calm in the presence of your son or daughter. If there is any way to keep all ‘adult’ conversations to the adult realm, that is exactly what you should do. That is probably one of the best tips you’ll get.
Keep One Bag Packed for Going Back and Forth
It may come as a surprise to realise that your kids aren’t as comfortable going back and forth between mom and dad as they are letting on to be. Perhaps you should consider packing one bag to be filled with essentials and kept with them every time they visit your ex-spouse.
During the school year you may need to pack two bags, one for school and one for home. A high quality laptop backpack for school is the perfect solution for keeping all their school work together in one place as well as a safe way to carry their laptop back and forth. In fact, what would today’s student do without a laptop?
Keep the Kids Out of It!
One of the biggest mistakes you can make as a parent is to ask the advice of your child! When you believe something should be done one way and your ex-spouse believes something totally opposite, don’t ask the child what they think you should do. Even if they are just a few short years from adulthood, it never pays to get them involved in adult conversations. That’s like asking them to take sides and from their perspective, that’s not a nice place to be in even if the discussion is all about them. Believe it or not, they want you to be the adult.
Be Open to a “Kid-Suggested” Change in a Scheduled Switch
Wouldn’t the world be a nice place if you could live by a planned daily schedule so that you knew what you were doing every minute of ever day? There may come a time when your child asks if they can visit your ex-spouse on a different schedule because of something they’d like to do but their scheduled dad time, or mom time, would interfere with it.
For example, their high school team has won a place in the district finals, and they’d like to be there. Unfortunately, your ex-spouse lives too far away to drive them back and forth each game in the series so they’d like to stay with you and go another time for their visit. Perhaps you should understand that allowing the schedule change might help your child adjust better to the divorce and a coparenting arrangement.
No matter what the issue might be, please don’t expect your child to have the answer. You’ve gotten this far in the divorce without a major glitch. Let’s keep it that way.
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